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I was born to an 18 year
old mother who already had a 3 year old son. I was one of 2 babies born
to my mother that day. My twin brother was born and the doctors thought
they were through when my mother said she needed to push again. At that
time, the only one who knew I existed was God. All the time He had a plan
for me.
My parents divorced when
I was 15 months old. My father gave up parental rights. Mother remarried
when I was 4 years old. That’s when a cycle of sexual abuse began for
me. At 7 years of age I told my mother, but she did nothing. By 16 years
of age I chose to go to foster care.
Married at age 18, I
began a cycle of failed relationships for I had no idea what love
was. Distorted love, abandonment, rejection – I had no idea how to
function in a normal relationship. Then God blessed me with a man after
His heart, Mike. We married in 2004, blending 2 families. Yet, I jumped
and ran when things were difficult.
Less than a year of
marriage I packed up my children and left. A few days later my oldest
brother committed suicide. This sent me in a downhill spiral of defeat.
Three months later I pulled my car into the garage to take my own life.
As I began to pass out, a picture of my children clicked down in front of
me. This caused me to awaken to exactly what I was doing. God never
gives up on you. He is always looking for ways to get to you. He was the
only one who knew I was in the garage that day.
Look unto Him for He
has a plan for your life and a destiny for your future, no matter where
you are in life. The God that created you has a plan for you and He loves
you.
I cried out to my God,
“If you’re the God that everyone keeps telling me you are then you’re
going to have to show up in my life, cause I’m done living this life with
all the pain and confusion.” Two days later on my way to work, nothing
spiritual was going on in my car. I turned the radio dial to gospel. A
slow song was playing. I was beginning to get negative, thinking, “Good
grief. Couldn’t they play something better than this at 5:00 in the
morning?”
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